How Being a People Pleaser Can be a Blessing & a Curse...

I am going to get right to the meat of this.... being a people pleaser is #exhausting . Am I right!? We are constantly questioning our every move. Will they like me? What if I have to say no? Will we still be friends? Did I do enough? Did I do too much?

This seems like a good thing- being kind, generous and giving. People tend to go to you for advice, you tend to drop everything for others to help them, you give more to other people than what you get in return. But sometimes TOO much of a good thing, isn't a good thing.

But where does this come from? Was I born this way?

So partially, it could be a part of our personality. Maybe more gentle-natured. Maybe more quiet and passive. But for the most part, we have developed this LOVELY trait somewhere along the line.

Consider some of the following: (this is one reason I truly love schema-therapy/ schema-work). Shout out and credit to Dr. Jeffery Young!

You may fall under the self-sacrificing category. These are people who tend to attend to other people's needs (most) or (all) of the time. This steams from a fear that we will disappoint them. If this sounds all too familiar- perhaps:

* When growing up, did you have a family where a parent or parent(s) needed help in some way?

* Did you have to listen to caregiver(s) or parent(s) emotional problems, or take over adult responsibilities at a young age?

* Did you have to look after siblings or parent(s) in some capacity?

* Did you have to protect younger siblings or parent them because a parent was dealing with concerns of their own?

What can we do?

Exploring this trait more in counseling can be extremely beneficial, just recognizing that it is something that is impacting your life is a great start.

It will be difficult, and feel like you are going against your nature, but beginning to create healthy boundaries with others and practicing how to do this in counseling will be helpful! Exploring roadblocks of how this may be difficult for you, and what it would take to overcome those roadblocks. Finding a good balance of being helpful, but ensuring you are putting yourself first.